I climbed into bed last night at nine, with my flannel pajamas on, my hair back in a headband, Crest white strips stuck to my teeth, and a book in hand–my nightly routine for years now–and suddenly it hit me hard. It came out of nowhere.
My life is routine and boring.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to have fun.
Sometime between trying for baby #1, years of infertility treatments, babies #2 and #3 (twins), my husband’s longer work hours, and taking care of a family of five, I lost my mojo.
I used to have fun. I used to know how to have a great time. And somehow, I lost that knowledge.
I used to have dinner or lunch out with girlfriends each week. Meals were somewhere other than Chick-fil-A, and I enjoyed a day drink (or two), dressed in skinny jeans and heels. We’d spill on the latest gossip and talk about work, boyfriends or husbands, and plans for the weekend. I haven’t enjoyed that kind of meal out in a while.
I would make often make last-minute plans with my husband to get away for a weekend. Want to leave after work Friday and head to the mountains? Sure! Want to drive a few hours to go watch a college football game and make an overnight trip out of it? Of course, I do! Going out of town last-minute was exciting and enjoyable. I haven’t spontaneously gone out of town for a weekend or overnight trip in a long time.
My husband and I would cuddle on the couch while watching a movie on TV. Popcorn, chips and beer or wine, giggling and flirting with each other was a common Saturday night event. I haven’t had a night on the couch with just me and my husband in a long time.
I would sleep in until noon on a Sunday after a night out dancing at the local bar, and I’d lounge in my pajamas all day. ..just chillin’ after a late night out. I haven’t had a night out past midnight in a very long time. I haven’t slept in until noon in what seems like forever.
Why did the fun disappear? How did it get boxed up and put away high on a shelf in my closet? Why did I let it get put away?
While life was changing, I let the fun trickle away. While our family was growing and my husband’s job was growing, I was allowing my fun and the things I enjoyed to shrink.
I became so serious and practical over the past few years. I don’t laugh as much as I used to. Nothing is last-minute or spontaneous these days. Everything is planned.
Scheduling a night out means finding and paying for a sitter, not drinking much, and getting home at a decent hour because we don’t want to look wild and crazy in front of the kids or the sitter.
Lunchtime is spent at home in yoga pants, folding laundry and sweeping the kitchen floor while making macaroni and cheese for the kids.
Weekends are for youth sporting events, kid’s birthday parties, and catching up on errands and chores that couldn’t get done during the week because of after-school activities. Weekends are for the kids to have fun now, and not the adults.
Weekend movies on TV are PG and kid-friendly, and everyone piles on the couch together (usually with kids sandwiched in between the parents).
Getting to sleep in is a thing of the past. “Sleeping in” now means the luxury of getting to stay in bed until eight. Pajama days are a thing of the past—I’ve got to shower and get dressed because there are too many errands to run to get prepared for the upcoming week.
I want the excitement back, though. I miss the fun and the spontaneity. I want to go out last-minute with my husband more often. I want to meet up with my friends and wear trendy clothes. I want to decide on a Thursday night that we are going to head to the beach for the weekend. I want to have fun again. I want part of my life to be exciting and surprising again.
Yes, I lost my mojo somewhere along the way. But it was there once before, so I know I can find it again. I just need a little glimmer that the good times are still there–I’m “old” now, and I’m realistic enough to know that my life has changed, so the fun will have to evolve a bit. But I know I can figure out how to have a good time again. And it’ll be a sweet time getting back to re-inventing a new, fun life.